You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I will pee on everything he values.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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