Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
