I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
