I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize