What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
