just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
