Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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