He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
