The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
