I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
