You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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