We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
