so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
