I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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