Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
