I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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