Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
