WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
