the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
