Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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