I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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