You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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