at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
