There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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