It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
