So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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