My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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