So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
