Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
