i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
