Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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