What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
