No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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