my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
