Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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