when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
