The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
