I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
