Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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