So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
