her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
