My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
