I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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