woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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