Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
