i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
