I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
