I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
