Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
