someone threw a dead crab at me
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
