he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
