My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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