today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it's great music for shaving your balls
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
