Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
