this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just want nice things and good sex
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
