Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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