This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
