why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
