I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
