I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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