I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
