please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
