ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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