Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
