Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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