so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
