did you get engaged???
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
