shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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